i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
