He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
