is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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