let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
