Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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