i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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