Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
