I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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