Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
