dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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