im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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