At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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