Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
