I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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