I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
