he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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