Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
