Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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