you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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