I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
