Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
