I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
