I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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