TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
