The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
