why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
