My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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