so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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