its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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