oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize