I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
