OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
