I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
