Who wears a wallet chain?!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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