The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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