Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize