i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
