I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
