Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
