how can u be prego again
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
