I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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