Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
