we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
