Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
