is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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