I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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