If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
