She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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