At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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