i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
