From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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