U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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