first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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