My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
