I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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