The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
