I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize