hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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