She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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