Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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