had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
