Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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