Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
