as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
