you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
