dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You took a bar mat shot.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
