this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
