Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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