Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
