i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
