I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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