I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
